Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, beer. Big fan.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
