I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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