If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
