i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
