Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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