I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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