I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and she was petting her beer can
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
