omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
