I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
