Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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