I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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