He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize