The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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