Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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