Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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