ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
