That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
