She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
