Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize