obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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