question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
