guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
