Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
