apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
