Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
