The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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