So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
