Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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