u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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