why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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