Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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