I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
