no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
