Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
