there were more penises there than on chat roulette
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
