She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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