last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
