you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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