After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
