what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So many bounce houses so little time
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
