they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
