Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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