tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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