Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
