Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
