I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
