I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
