I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When are your genitals available?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
