We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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