In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
