I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
