Do you still have your period?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
