Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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