Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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