Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
