i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize