EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
