doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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