I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
