I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize