Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
