Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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