you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
