brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
