Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
