She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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