Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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