This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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